It’s really weird when something you used to love becomes something you are the most afraid of; when something you did everyday becomes something you are missing.
Running was my favorite thing in the world. It was something I could barely go a day without. I lived for the feeling after an amazing run. I lived for feeling like I was dying. I always wanted to be faster than the day before. Everyday was a race and it was what I looked forward to each day. Running has always moved around on my list of priorities. But it used to be up there with school and family/friends. Now it is something I am scared to do.
I was in a new “running state” at the beginning of my summer in May. I was more than ready to tackle training for a big race. Or even just a fast 5k. I felt amazing after my time off post half marathon. I was ready to reach new goals. Then I was sick pretty much all summer. I would either be up all night trying to fall asleep or feeling horrible and tired all day. I guess those aren’t really excuses not to run. But for me those were enough. In a way I lost part of myself this summer and that is something I have just realized. Currently, I miss running more than anything.
But the problem is I am scared to run again because I know it will be hard and I won’t be fast. I am not the kind of person to give up or not try. But running has been my life since I was like 10 and I have always been decent at it. It was never something I was scared to do. I kept getting better. And I was fast. I need to get over my fear and do it again. In a few months I’m sure I will be in way better running shape, but the thought of not excelling at it keeps me from running.
I can’t wait until I’m blogging about my next training adventure, but until then I need to find the courage to run again.